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When my husband's son is at his biological mother's house she feeds him meat. When he is with us, we feed him vegan. How can we help our son understand veganism while his mother is feeding him animal products? She agreed to raise him vegetarian but is now going against her promise. - Mary

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Dear Mary,

Because your husband and his ex-wife are divorced and share custody, the ex-wife is under no obligation to feed the child any certain way. It doesn't really matter if she agreed to feed him a vegetarian diet before, she has the right to change her mind. You don't have the right to expect her to feed him only vegan foods while he is with her. You can ask her, you can make suggestions, you could even send a ton of vegan lasagna over there to put in her freezer, but ultimately she has the right to feed him whatever he wants.

I realize that this causes a problem for you because when he is with you, you are teaching and demonstrating your vegan values and then he goes back to his mom's house and learns that eating animals is okay. You have the right to feed him only vegan foods when he is under your care, but obviously he won't be an entirely vegan child because of the time he is spending with his mother.

What you have to do is accept that this boy will not be vegan until he is an adult and can decide for himself. What you should take solace in is knowing that while he is with you he is eating healthy foods and learning a compassionate way of life. You have to just do the best you can with the situation you have. It's a tough situation, and I'm sure it's emotionally troubling for you. Acceptance will help you.

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