The Vegan View

Do vegans require their children to also be vegan? I'm wondering how you handle a child who, once they get around other kids in school and such, question your vegan lifestyle and want to taste and perhaps prefer to not be a vegan. Do you feel very strongly about your child being vegan and refuse to accommodate his or her food choices? What do you do?

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VegFamily readers reply:

Susan:
My son is five and vegan. I am vegan and his dad is vegetarian. We have decided that he will be vegan as long as I'm the one paying for and making the food. Dad eats vegan dinner with us every night. My son is proud to be a vegan and very accepting of all the "differences" that exist at school and in the world. He will readily say, "That's okay, I can't eat that." We realize that he may want to try something non-vegan later, but we're hoping that his upbringing and all the reasons for vegan will ring true with him and he will stay the course. He was also a preemie and the first vegan baby at our NICU. Many of the nurses think his amazing stay (no infections, no reflux, etc) had to do with my vegan diet and breast milk. Ultimately, our son will choose his lifestyle, I think it will be vegan.

Magpie
We are facing this dilemma now. Our DD is 9, DH is not veg, I am vegan. but we do not have any meat at home, but there is dairy in the fridge for him. She is attracted to cheese and other things with dairy and egg in them. I am letting loose the reins with her. I feel if I try to tighten them up, she will just rebel. I had just hoped this would come later, closer to the teen years. The deal right now is that I don't buy her non-vegan things. She has to use her own money if she wants it. She has a vegan friend, but a new friend this year has a very poor non-vegan diet and I'm afraid of that influence. I'm ramping up the "healthy choices" talks.

Julie:
I always thought I would never support my child eating non-vegan food, but now that my daughter is eight it does make me question things and I have thought about the whole idea of freeganism. After her attending plenty of birthday parties and w/halloween coming up at times like that I do feel bad that she is left out. Last week I talked to her offering her the option of being freegan with vegetarian products. Her response was suprising. She said "No way! I am never turning my back on being vegan. I would rather be left out." I do think that was one of my proudest moments in life. That came from a child that at least once a week says its not fair how stuff isn't vegan and that she wished everything in the world was vegan. I love my little vegan princess.

LynRose:
We do not "require" our daughter to be vegan, we have shown her what is required of animals to bring meat and dairy to people's meals. She has never eaten an animal and is now 11 years old and she fully understands the violence that people commit towards animals and she wants no part of it. There is a new and exciting environment of acceptance towards vegetarianism in the schools. Her school has a Vegetarian/Environmental club that meets once a week. We are immensely grateful to the many animal protection groups for making the vegetarian discussion so mainstream. When children learn the truth about what "meat" and "dairy" really are, they react with absolute sadness and disgust. They know better. We are so happy that our daughter is a protector of animals, she could never pay lunch money at school to buy a chopped up piece of an animal that she loves so dearly.

Lisa:
We didn't start out vegan and my oldest isn't sure if he wants to be vegan. I don't cook meat and he hasn't asked for it but when we go out there have been a few times that he's asked for some old favorites and I've let him. His asking is becoming few and far between though. Who knows what direction he'll choose to go.

Carmon:
I have 2 children and raise them to have minds and freedoms of their own. My son is 7 and has been vegan most of his life. He seems proud of being a vegan and likes that he is a little different. But when there are non vegan cupcakes at school, I tell him he can make his own choice to eat them or not. If I push my children into it and force them, they will end up resenting me. I can understand that there are times my son doesn't want to feel left out especially at school and giving him the choice to pick, makes him a stronger person, makes the veganism lifestyle more positive, and will hopefully keep him from hating it and changing when he's older. But, I do tell him I will not support any animal cruelty and I will not buy anything unless it is vegan. He seems to respect that and is accepting of it.I have a 12 year old daughter who by choice is a vegetarian. Again, I tell her I will not force her into anything but I will not buy foods for her that are not vegan. She's probably 99% vegan because she rarely eats anything except what I provide her. If she wants cheese pizza at school for lunch, she can spend her own money on it, but she hasn't done that in over a year. I just don't think its fair for a parent to force their kids into veganism. That seems to contradict what veganism is all about and it should be a personal choice because if it's not, your kids will go behind your back and eat meat or "rebel" against it when they are old enough to.

Tasha:
The reasons I've chosen to be vegan/vegetarian are not for my own health but for the treatment of animals and the greed of factory farming. My family refuses to buy certain products so we eat a vegetarian diet. I never eat meat and rarely consume dairy, my husband eats what he wants but will not personally buy animal products and my children are vegetarians who eat ice cream and things like that when they go to their friend's houses. My children do not want to eat meat because they know why we chose to be vegetarians.....however, it is very hard for a child to be vegan. I think it's best not to force a child to eat a vegan diet but encourage them to be concious of what they are eating and where it comes from without making them feel guilty about it. I also think if you want to take a stand against animal cruelty and factory farming then you cannot buy animal products.

Patience & Virtue:
From experience, the worst relationship to be in is with someone that is "being vegan for you". I say this because if it is not in their heart, if they have not woken up to being vegan yet, inside there will often arise a resentment, a "point scoring" an expectation of some kind of demand back which can later come out.Sometimes this can just be childishly, in the form of a cheeky defiance; sometimes it can be destructively, even explosively. A resentment at being controlled by someone else mixed with a feeling of inferiority, a kind of "am not I good enough?", which might be conscious or unconscious ... because being vegan speaks to their sub-conscious.Being compassionate towards non-vegans, life with a vegan is hell! Imagine all the label checking, all the endless hunting down something or somewhere to eat, all the additional burden of thought put onto their instinctual desire to just eat something. Who would have the patience for that?And what about when children come into the equation? Whose will will supersede? As they grow up and you find yourself outnumbered at home, are you going to be happy spending your life in a non-vegan household.Let's be honest, vegan demographics are stacked in the favor of male vegans, would you not secretly prefer a vegan partner?

April:
I'm sure my answer is similar to so many others. I cannot make that choice for my child. I can educate her about where our food comes from and what (I believe) makes the most sense scientifically, with backed up research, for our health, but ultimately she has to choose for herself. When we are in my home, I get to choose what is bought and served. When we are out as a family, we choose restaurants that are vegetarian friendly and hope she will make a good choice. But when she is out at a friend's house, or at school, or somewhere else where I am not able to encourage her decision, she has to make that choice for herself. I will not judge her or look down on her if she makes a choice different than I would; afterall, it took me nearly 30 years to come to this conclusion for myself. I can only hope that I have educated her enough and given her an environment to support vegetarian and vegan eating that she will make the right choices for her.

Gaurang Pandya:
In most likelihood, children of Vegan parents will be Vegans too. According to child psychologists the living style and preferences at home prevail over the influences from peer.

Theresa:
My son is vegan at home and he understands that I will not spend my own money on non-vegan foods or products. I also make his school lunches since there are no vegan options available at school. He says he wants to be vegan when he grows up and he's glad he's vegan at home.However, he is vegetarian when he is with the sitter or my parents or at a friend's house because they don't know how to cook vegan and don't have much in the way of vegan foods in their houses. Everyone is able to fix him foods wihtout meat, but it's very difficult for them to make anything without meat or dairy, especially since they don't have alternatives like rice milk and tofu like we do. No one has ever questioned his vegetarian lifestyle - a definate sign of the times from when I went veggie 22 years ago - so it's pretty easy for him in that respect, especially when his friends are jealous of the pistacios I always put in his lunch instead of chips!

Katia:
I don't force the issue but I also don't make special meals for her. I think that ultimately she is responsible for her own body and we just teach by example. She knows our organic CSA farmer, we cook together, and I answer all of her questions about why we made this decision but we also don't chastise her for having chicken nuggets at friends' houses. Education is the best arsenal in making a child a conscience eater without denying them of their choice to do so.

Rebekah:
I think it is very important for parents to parent their children. Many kids would be happy only eating cookies and candy all day everyday. That is not something any good parent will allow! Why would eating animal products be any different? The important thing is to encourage healthy choices and an awareness of why to make those choices. Some kids just like to rebel for the sake of rebeling. With some more thought about their food, though, most would not actually want to eat food from suffering animals. Find out what is prompting the desire for animal products and explain in age-appropriate terms why it's not okay to eat that food.

Rea:
My children are 1 & 3 years old, so I am not at the point where I have to deal with this question yet, but I have certainly given it some thought. We are making a point of teaching our children the benefits of a vegan lifestyle - health, compassion, respect for the environment - and they are very receptive to these lessons. We have many stories and movies to reinforce our views and plan to visit the nearest farm animal sanctuary when they are a little older. Unfortunately, we do not have any vegan friends, which I think would help during the transition to school and more interaction with the 'outside' world. I sometimes worry that our kids will wonder why they are the 'only ones' at school who are vegan. Hopefully they will connect with some vegan friends. That said, If they decide to try meat or dairy products, they will do so with the full knowledge of the suffering that is required to make them. I will not spend my money on these products, either, so they would have to get them somewhere else. I highly doubt that my kids would choose to eat animal products with the way they are being raised, but if they do, I would rather let them experiment and draw their own conclusions. All we can do is provide a solid foundation.

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